1.3 Stop the tears, ride towards the sunrise

The next day started comparatively early, since Anna had been awake almost the entire night, thinking about what had happened with Benjamin in the library. She could not really get her mind off him; there was some part of him that had touched her. Nevertheless, the way he had reacted to her proposition had hurt her in a way she barely managed to describe in words. As she ate her breakfast in silence – again in those ridiculous clothes –, she made a promise to herself. As long as she was not sure that she could trust another person, she would stay careful. No artificial distance, but she did not want to go all in right in the beginning. Because that would eventually lead to pain like the one she was experiencing right now.

Knowing what she wanted when entering the lab made it easier for her to focus on her tasks. Her boss was fairly impressed with her concentration and devotion, and even gave her a promotion! She was no longer a test subject, but worked as a lab tech from now on. This meant more money, a huge promotion payoff and, which was the best part, a new work outfit. Although she hated these clothes with every fiber of her being, she did not throw them away the second she got home. Instead, she folded them neatly and put them in the back of her closet. Who knew when she was going to need a long pair of jogging pants?!

The first thing she did was calling Hella, to tell her about the good news. Anna was still careful around her, after that unfortunate incident with the pillow-fight, but she desperately wanted to share this piece of information with somebody who was chipper enough to be happy for her.

To reward herself, Anna decided to visit the local summer festival that had been taking place on a deserted farm for a few days now. It seemed odd to choose a location like this, but she was not in a place to criticize the town’s decision. Maybe this had been a common place for a fair earlier. She couldn’t possibly know about this, but made a mental note to try and find out about that the next time she was in the library.

To her surprise, the meadow was not crowded, although it was the middle of afternoon already. This was probably due to the weather that changed from sunshine to clouds and even a few raindrops very quickly today. When she tried to find shelter in the big barn that was the center of the place, she almost bumped into a middle-aged man with long, brown hair. With a compunctious smile, she held out her hand and apologized for not being attentive enough. He only laughed, introduced himself as Jo Johnson and said that he was available as a side fence any time. She smiled, being amused by the directness of his statement, but also relieved that he was not mad at her. After all, he surely was going to have a bruise on his arm.

They quickly got into talking about this and that, noticing how much they had in common. When Anna mentioned her guitar, he interrupted her by gently touching her arm, a gesture that startled her for a moment. When he realized that her body had stiffened, he immediately let go of her arm and started stammering an excuse. There had been no bad intention in his behavior, quite the contrary – as his greatest passion was music, too, he simply wanted to share this information with her.

 The words that came out of his mouth did not make much sense, and she could not help herself but smile again. Even the saleswoman next to them, who apparently had been listening to their conversation, announced a giggle. How could she be mad with him, if he was obviously trying to make everything right?

After he had finally gotten out what he had wanted to tell her in the first place, Anna wanted to respond enthusiastically. It was really nice to talk to someone who understood music in all its glory, because most people just considered it as background noise. You did not have to be great, but you had to have your heart in it. And that was what connected both of them. In her excitement, that made her forget all about her personal safety guard for a minute, she stumbled over a few words and ended up with sentence structures that were not even close to linguistic standards. The saleswoman started making sounds that resembled choking, which caused them to shoot her a concerned look, but she was just laughing so hard she was no longer able to breath. Those two seemed to be a match made in heaven.

Suddenly, Anna felt a gentle breeze on her right shoulder. When she turned around to see where it was coming from, since the front door of the barn had been closed for about an hour now, she looked into two huge brown eyes, staring down at her. This was probably the most beautiful creature Anna had ever seen, and as it passed her, she watched it silently. The elegance with which the horse moved struck her as fascinating and inspiring. Jo watched her observing the horse, his horse, and smiled. He could practically feel the thoughts running through her head.

Nevertheless, the question she asked him a minute later took him by surprise. He had not expected this. Little did he know that she confused herself with her sudden forwardness and certainty, as well. It seemed bold, and maybe a little irresponsible, but it felt absolutely right. And this was why she sighed in relief when he agreed.

Getting on the horse was harder than she had anticipated. The stirrups were really high and since she barely possessed any leg muscles, she found it difficult to stretch her leg once the foot was safely placed in the stirrup.

There were a few moments when she was certain about falling to the ground the next minute, but surprisingly she made it onto Freeland’s back. The horse patiently waited until the feathery woman had adjusted her feet and arms, and then proceeded to take a few steps.

Anna was not sure what to think of this way of moving forwards. It was shaky and bumpy up there, she could feel every muscle move under her legs, and she could hear the horse breath. She was scared, and she loved it at the same time.

Whenever Freeland stood still for a moment, she actually felt like she was on top of the world, like nothing could ever defeat her. Then he started walking again, and the feeling of invincibility vanished as soon as it had arrived. Maybe it was enough for a start.

Getting off the horse was just as hard as getting on it. She had to rely on her right leg as the left one slid graciously over the horse’s back, and at the same time had to stabilize her body. Somehow, she managed to do so and landed on both feet on the ground.

With a broad smile on her face, she buried her face in the horse’s mane and mumbled a thank-you. This had been an extraordinary experience, one that she wanted to feel again and again. She had been free on the back of the horse; all of her worries had stayed on the ground, instead of following her up there. After she brought the horse back to Jo, still smiling, and said goodbye, she ran all the way home. He had offered to take her with his car, but she gratefully declined. This was more closeness than she had ever shared with anybody else before, and this time she did not feel like he was going to let her down like she’d had to experience before.

Her dreams were a confusing mixture of horses and a few people from town. Two faces appeared repeatedly, one of them was Jo with his calming and friendly eyes, riding on the horse next to her, having fun, and enjoying life. The other one was the man she came home to at night and who greeted her with a kiss. That man was Benjamin Schmidt.